Is Living Together Before Marriage Biblical?
According to recent studies, living together outside of marriage is now accepted by most Evangelicals. But is it Biblical? Should Christian’s live together before marriage?
The Bible does not command nor prohibit couples living together outside of marriage. However, the Bible both strongly affirms the sanctity of marriage and strongly condemns sexual immorality. These are things Christian couples ought to consider when talking about moving in together.
What The Bible Says About Marriage
First, we need to look at what the Bible says about marriage in general.
God instituted the first marriage in the Bible. It’s this marriage that all other marriages are based upon. So, let’s look at this first marriage in the Bible.
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:22-25
We see three things in this first marriage:
- Marriage is between a man and a woman.
- Marriage unites a man and a woman into one flesh.
- Marriage is a covenant made before God.
Paul spends time writing in his letters about marriage. One key passage is Ephesians 5:21-33. In essence, Paul says the marriage relationship is to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.
The author of Hebrews describes the honor we should have toward marriage,
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is a sacred union of a man and a woman taken under oath in the presence of God, that displays Christ’s love for the Church and vice versa.
Marriage Customs and Practices in the Bible1,2
Now, let’s take a look at marriage customs and practices in Bible times.
Under Roman rule only marriages between two Roman citizens were considered legal. All other marriages were “informal” and not protected by Roman law.
Roman law made the minimum marriage age 12 for girls and 14 for boys. Typically, the girls first marriage was between the years 12-18. And a five year difference between the man and woman was most common. Jewish women were also married for the first time between the ages of 12-18.
Both Roman and Jewish weddings were arranged. Marriages started with a betrothal, a legal agreement for the man and the woman to marry. Betrothals usually lasted 6 months to 1 year. Typically, a man had to pay the woman’s family a dowry or give some valuable token.
It is important to note that many times the betrothed woman would not see her betrothed husband again until the wedding ceremony. When the wedding day finally arrived the groom would dress up in robes and a crown and would proceed with friends and wedding attendants to the father of the bride’s house.
Meanwhile, the bride was preparing for the wedding ceremony. She would have been bathed and dressed in fine clothes and jewelry.
The procession would begin at the Father of the Bride’s house and go to the bridegroom’s house. The bride would be crowned and carried through the streets on a piece of furniture. Followed by a crowd of virgins, friends, and musicians that would sing and dance and throw flowers.
Once arriving at the bridegroom’s house, the couple would be wed under a canopy. This was followed by the wedding feast, seven days of festivities.
So, we can see that in Jesus’ time it was not common for an engaged couple to live together before marriage.
What The Bible Says about Living Together Before Marriage
The Bible does not contain a command or prohibition for people living together outside of marriage. That was simply not an issue that needed to be addressed during Jesus’ day. However, sexual immorality was frequently addressed throughout the Bible.
The Bible makes clear that sex is meant to be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman. Paul writes to the church in Corinth,
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18
This passage indicates that sexual intimacy outside of marriage is not in line with God’s plan for us. The phrase “sexual immorality” is a broad term covering everything outside of marriage. Including: adultery, homosexuality, and premarital sex.
So, the Bible makes clear that sex outside of marriage is a sin. But what if a couple lives together, but doesn’t have sex until marriage? Is that a sin?
Christian Freedom
To answer that let’s start with the idea of Christian freedom.
What is Christian Freedom?
In writing to the church in Corinth, Paul addressed an issue where some Christians were eating meat sacrificed to idols, and that upset some others. So Paul wrote,
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.
Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”
If an unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. But if someone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” then do not eat it, both for the sake of the one who told you and for the sake of conscience. I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
1 Corinthians 10:23-33
Paul emphasizes that while believers have the freedom to do anything, not everything is beneficial or constructive. We should not only consider our own good, but also the good of others.
This does not mean compromising our faith or morals, but rather considering the needs and beliefs of others while seeking to honor God. Ultimately, our goal should be to bring glory to God and to share His love with others so that they may be saved.
Paul also addresses this issue to the church in Rome,
Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.
One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:
“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,
‘every knee will bow before me;
every tongue will acknowledge God.’”So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.
So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.
Romans 14
Applying Christian Freedom to living together before Marriage
So, in Christ, Christians are free. Thus, we could say that believers are free to live together outside of marriage as long as they refrain from sexual intimacy. That is, unless it causes someone else to stumble or it hurts your Christian witness.
Additionally, the Bible teaches us to honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:20) and to avoid even the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Moving in and living together while unmarried increases the temptation to sin.
Living together before marriage can send the wrong message to others and may give the appearance of sexual immorality or compromise with God’s standards.
Questions to Consider
If you and your significant other are considering moving in together before marriage and want to know whether or not you should biblically, then here are some questions to consider:
- Will moving in together increase your temptation to commit sexual immorality?
- Are you or your significant other hesitant to move in together for whatever reason?
- Will moving in together upset either set of parents or other relatives, friends, or church community?
- How will living together outside of marriage affect your Christian witness to others?
If the answer to any of these questions even leans toward a yes, or you feel your Christian witness will be negatively impacted by moving in together, then perhaps, it’s best to wait until after marriage before living together.
Ultimately, the Bible teaches us to seek God’s will and to follow His commands. While living together before marriage may be common in our culture, it is important to seek God’s guidance and to honor Him in all our decisions regarding our relationships.
References
- Jeffers, James S. The Greco-Roman World of the New Testament Era: Exploring the Background of Early Christianity. Downers Grove, Ill: InterVarsity Press, n.d.
- “Ancient Marriage.” Bible History. Accessed April 23, 2023. https://bible-history.com/biblestudy/marriage.
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